Tonight I have the lingering feeling of hope and new beginnings, in spite of what some may interpret as negative shifts.

But its overshadowed by Joe wanting to converse more, and on a pretty daily basis. He feels the need to tell me about the drama at his job. I didn’t ask, I didn’t even engage when he got home, he just appeared in my doorway and proceeded to ramble on. And it’s not like it was a reciprocal conversation, he didn’t ask me about my day or whatever I might have been up to.

He just shows up drops some verbal bull shit about things I have no business knowing about, and then asks me “Am I bothering you?” I should have said yes. But I’m too fucking nice of a person.

I’m real hesitant to let him close socially after the 26th. It feels like he’s just trying to find some kind of leverage to use against me. Something he can use to make my defenses crack.

I’m working on trying to pick up some overtime in an effort to extend the amount of time I have before my account goes negative in February, without having to dip into my meager savings. This looks like finding extra things to do for a little while after my shift ends and asking my boss if I can spend one day every few weeks, over the weekend, working on stuff that I can’t fit into my work day and seeing if I can pull an extra half a shift on PM working in a department that I don’t usually work in. So far only the first 2 have come to fruition.

I need to buy a new door handle for my room, something that locks and has a key. Something that means I have some peace of mine when I’m not home but he is. Also peace of mind when I’m in my room and don’t feel like having that worrisome prospect of being disturbed. The one I have barely latches, and I have to fight with it most nights before bed just so I know my door will stay closed while I change.