Yesterday was Halloween. I love the season, but I just don’t have the energy this year to decorate. Life is moving at breakneck speeds and society is starting to feel like its going to implode, its all so overwhelming sometimes. And then sometimes you get just what you need to relieve some of that tension that you didn’t realize was nesting in your shoulders.
Last night was like any other Friday night for me, in spite of it being Halloween. When I finally went to bed, it was just to stretch out my back, but sleep took me almost immediately. I don’t know when the dreaming started.
I had a dream about my dear friend, my brother from another mother, Mark. He was standing in a room of seated people and he was talking, and he had everyone’s undivided attention. This was not a common site to see, but I know he had the ability to command the attention of a group. I watched from my seat, studying his face and letting the sound of his voice wash over me. I suddenly found that I was crying, without making a sound, just tears making shining trails down my face.
It was then that I realized I was dreaming, but that didn’t matter, I could hear his voice and see his mannerisms like as if he was in the room with me, the rest of the people in the room were faceless and nameless because they were not part of the message. And it wasn’t a message exactly… but recognition of loss, grief, love and acceptance.
I sit here in a mostly dark room typing this out on the morning of November first, with tears silently streaming down my face as I recount the dream. But not tears of grief or loss. Tears of joy and love at the memory of my brother who I loved in ways that neither of had the capacity to understand at the time. And I smile softly at the gift that this dream or memory is, because while it stirred my grief and the fact that I miss him eternally, it also brought me joy to hear his voice again.
When life brings unsurmountable chaos, our minds have a knack for grounding us in just the way we need. But we need to be willing to listen and be open to the emotions that stirs.
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