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This Week’s Cookie Chronicles…
I’m excited,
and I reassure myself that this is okay.
The amazing thing
is that I don’t feel like I need to hide that fact.
I finally feel like
I’m allowed to just be excited,
without being judged for it,
without worrying that expression of my excitement
will result in denial of access to whatever I’m excited about.
I don’t have the looming feeling
that expression of my joy
and my excitement
are going to inevitably cost me something.
I don’t feel like I must calculate
exactly how much I can express
to mitigate negative risk.
I’m finally feeling free,
to express myself,
to love,
to joke,
to have fun,
…
to be happy.
Music Recommendations
I exist in an almost constant state of music consumption, sometimes it shapes my mood and other times it echoes it, a soundtrack from a blip in my life.
Half Baked - Bus Travel & Late Night Arrivals… Turned Early Morning Arrivals
6:00am on a Friday, I should be logged into work but I’m not. My child is driving me downtown to embark on an adventure. Neither of us anticipated how foggy it was going to be this morning.
Not even the rising sun was burning through the fog this morning… maybe it was an omen… maybe it was just poor weather timing
The adventure was my very first bus travel experience… or first as an adult, and not related to school activities. At the time that I booked the ticket, TSA wasn’t being funded so the lines to get through airport security were 4+ hours long… Not to mention the fact that we are currently participating in an unofficial, undeclared war with a middle eastern nation. Do I really feel like its safe to fly again? I have no idea. But 16 hours, best case scenario, on a bus to get home after the ordeal I already experienced… doesn’t seem like the best option for my health.
The driver from Detroit to Cincinnati was intolerant of any noise… told us our phones had to be on silent for the duration of the trip, no calls on speakerphone or facetime, and if he could hear the conversation then the person was being too loud.
First stop… just a transit authority bus station/train station, next to a police station. Ohio
Next stop…. is that a…
Waffle House… no I KNOW we are in Ohio!
We made it to Cincinnati and when the new bus driver got on to get ready for the rest of our trip, he determined that the bus was not fit for passengers because the AC was completely inop. We were advised to call customer service to rebook our trips.
One of the passengers whose destination was Cincinnati was a woman who had her CDL-B. Turns out she has only had that license for 3 weeks but is working for a company that requires 1-2 years experience before they will consider hiring you. She transports trucks to the people who purchased them, so she is driving brand new vehicles… semies, bucket trucks, tour buses, etc. She shared stories of some of her most hair raising experiences, like driving through the mountains and feeling like she was going to just fall right off the edge, or driving a big rig through a toll booth.
One of the guys participating in the conversation was laughing so hard at his own joke about “she has experience in dog years.” because she was able to get a job that required 1-2 YEARS of experience, while only have 2-3 weeks of experience.
The guy who made the comment about the experience in dog years was also headed to Cincinnati, where he was picking up an Escalade for his wife… she had no idea what he was up to and thought he was at work and he planned to be back with the vehicle by the same time he would normally be getting home from work. It sounded like the cutest surprise way of getting someone a vehicle as a gift.
I was able to rebook for 6:50pm, but some people were unable to get a replacement ride until 1:50am… and others like the Mennonite siblings that were traveling with us, were unable to rebook.
We met some interesting characters along the way, bonded over the trauma that was the trip, learned things about each other that probably wouldn’t have come up otherwise… and at those late night smoke breaks we had a lot of desperately needed laughs.
A “rescue” bus showed up just before my 6:50pm bus, and the security guard that had been relaying information to us suddenly looked at all of us and was like “Lets go! No body left behind”
By the time the rescue bus arrived there were only approximately 18 of us left, it was such an empty bus! But the driver was based out of the city we were trying to get to, so he was trying to get home.
It was nice to finally feel like things were back on track. It was good to laugh and feel like it wasn’t out of place. It was good to hear the stories of people I never would have met if not for this bus ride.
There is a picture of a person laying on the floor in the Cincinnati bus station, she had been trying to get to her destination for all of 2 weeks. Her father had kicked her out over Easter weekend and through a course of unfortunate events and Greyhound refusing to refund her money for connecting busses that she was not able to meet because of Greyhound’s own bus delays. She was so depressed over this delay that she just lay down on the floor because she couldn’t even think about what she might be being faced with.
There were a set of Mennonite siblings traveling with us, who had traveled up on the exact same bus and were aware of the fact that the AC on the bus was not working. When we were informed that we would have to rebook using the customer service phone number those siblings were unable to rebook… Mennonites do not carry cellphones and pay phones in public spaces are a rare thing to encounter. The rescue bus was ideal for them since they didn’t have an alternative (though I’m unsure if they asked if anyone would be willing to lend them a phone to rebook their trip). When we arrived at their destination it was VERY early in the morning, they had been anticipating their parents being there to pick them up with a horse drawn buggy, but logically their parents would have gone home hours before that. There were a hand full of us standing outside the bus for a smoke break as this was going to be our last stop before our destination in several hours, and the siblings asked if anyone could lend them a phone to call for a ride. I volunteered and we called a couple of numbers, neither was answered, but they were able to leave a message. I do hope they didn’t encounter any issues while they waited for their transportation.
There was a young woman making her way to Knoxville to see her mother again for the first time in several years. I don’t know much about her other than what I overheard… in such relatively small quarters it takes effort to not be eavesdropping on everyone. I think she said her name was Heaven, she had been in jail for an unknown amount of time and for an unknown reason. She was always part of the smoking group, and when the rescue bus showed up, she sat behind me. The funniest interaction was when she was warning the woman across the aisle about using the toilet on the bus… I’m paraphrasing a little… but its still funny in a crude way… “You can feel the air from outside the bus all on your coochie in that bathroom. I thought Imma fall out this bus and show my whole ass!”
There was a woman traveling for a funeral who it turns out knew a friend of one of the other ladies that was headed to for the natural hair convention. Watching them realize that they knew the same people and then call that person together was like watching old friends reunite. She also kept talking about how when she got to our destination city she was going across the street from the bus station and going to the strip club to… and I quote… “see ass and titties”.
A woman heading to Florida to visit her boyfriend. She and I talked extensively when we realized that we were going to have to rebook, and she had been stuck on the 1:50am rebooking. She told me about how she has seen the country by bus, how she had broken up with her boyfriend in Florida so she hitchhiked to California and then he wanted her to come back and bought her a bus ticket back (this was years ago). She told me about how Greyhound’s service and the condition of their vehicles has gone down hill over the years. A guy showed up at the bus station in Cincinnati ranting and raving about the city and how he couldn’t even get someone to give him a glass of water and how he was going to MAKE someone buy him a bus ticket, and was preaching his religious beliefs… and fixated on the woman headed for Florida. After this happened, she moved back inside and only went back outside to smoke when I went out… I’m not sure if I looked like someone the preacher guy wouldn’t engage with or what, but this tactic seemed to keep him away from her.
Its interesting how in an uncertain situation like this, people grouped together in ways that were protective socially and physically… after everything, our energies were aligned (exhaustion) and when new people started getting on the bus, the hand full of us sat in closer proximity filling in the gaps for security and peace of mind. No one communicated that it needed to be done, or why, it just happened. And I think we all slept a little easier being surrounded by people we had developed a trust with.
I was originally supposed to arrive at almost midnight. The actual arrival time was closer to 6am. And those first embraces felt like having all the stress of the previous 25 hours melted away. We tried to go back to bed when we got back home, and while the cuddle pile was relaxing and an amazing way to start the visit… I did not sleep. My mind and body were too wired from the stress of the trip.
But naps exist for a reason, and they have been as welcome as they have been necessary.
Naps, movies, cuddles, shopping together, cooking together, playing games, etc.
This is a far cry from where I was emotionally and mentally a year ago today. I look back at what was… and wonder how I was so blind before.
He looks back at what was, and wonders why it fell apart… but love is a lot like a fart, if you have to force it… its probably shit.
Protect online privacy from the very first click
Your digital footprint starts before you can even walk.
In today’s data economy, “free” inboxes from Google and Microsoft, like Gmail and Outlook, are funded by data collection. Emails can be analyzed to personalize ads, train algorithms, and build long-term behavioral profiles to sell to third-party data brokers.
From family updates, school registrations, medical reports, to financial service emails, social media accounts, job applications, a digital identity can take shape long before someone understands what privacy means.
Privacy shouldn’t begin when you’re old enough to manage your settings. It should be the default from the start.
Proton Mail takes a different approach: no ads, no tracking, no data profiling — just private communication by default. Because the next generation deserves technology that protects them, not profiles them.
The Philosophy of Ted (aka T3D Talks)
When I was a kid, I was exposed to a LOT of philosophical concepts. Most of these things went way over my head at the time. But sometimes through the recent excavation of my past, these concepts reveal themselves again… for the first time.
… This isn’t one of those times…
The other week I was driving home with my mom, and the topic of one of my friends came up as did the fact that he is in a poly relationship. My mom asked questions and I explained to her that I didn’t have answers to these questions because they were things I had no reason to ask my friend. She wanted to know why, and I explained that because I was not involved in his relationship… the dynamics of it were really none of my business. She accepted this, eventually.
Later on I asked her if she had opinions or if she had made any assumptions about my frequent trips out of town this year and the people that I’m visiting. She responded with “As long as you are happy, and they make you happy, the rest is none of my business.” If I hadn’t been driving a vehicle when this conversation was happening I would have hugged her! She is finally learning, about acceptance, about privacy, about letting your adult children be who they are and supporting where needed.
I’m proud of her, at 74 and she is still nimble minded enough to learn to navigate that thought process.
DIY
Recent DIY Project
The recent start of moving my garden is coming to a halt while my mother has work done on her house. I don’t know if she is going to be able to live in the house while the remodel is taking place, but the plan is for me and my child to move in with her once that is complete. I’m hoping that is some time this year still so I can get my house sold and get the divorce finalized. But I guess I’m not growing tomatoes this year because almost 100% of my container garden is already at my mom’s and I can’t see planting anything in the raised beds if I’m just going to have to start digging things up to move them.
So this project is taking a pause.
In Case You Missed It
About the Author
I am Sarah, a late blooming queer individual exploring my past experiences through introspection and internal work as well as talking to others and having conversations that lead to further thought experiments. This is an evolution of being in real time.
I’ve written heavily on the grief of losing my father suddenly and how that has resulted in my transformation, and the grief of losing my friend and brother to cancer. I’m writing more recently on my experiences and realizations and incorporating some DIY and hobby content where I can.
Thank you for reading 🙂
FYI clicking on the ad links helps fund the creativity, so give them a zero-obligation visit.
Other Things I Have Cooking
