Everything has been moving at breakneck speeds and its only been a month, but it feels like a lifetime. Hell, the last 9 months have felt like several years!

But this isn’t about politics.

In 8 days the anniversary of my marriage will come and go, without anything to mark it’s passing. Just another day on the calendar. Another 86,400 seconds tapped out by our internal clocks. And I’m realizing that there is grief in this, a grief I’ve not felt before. But the more I sit with it, the more I realize its not grief for a relationship lost. No, its grief for a life not lived.

That’s not to say that its too late to start living that life, in fact that is what I aim to do. BUT, I have to finish the process of grieving the person I thought I was before I can hope to do anything but set myself up for tragic endings.

I need to be on solid ground, and the best thing I can do is build healthy friendships with people who can accept the work in progress that I am and can grant me to grace to learn and grow.

Even if the perfect person showed up at my doorstep right this minute, I’d have to turn them away; Because I am not ready. I’m not ready to have a deeper relationship with another person, until I can show up for myself.