In partnership with
Another month of trying to figure out… something.
Everything is uncertain except for the fact that I want to distance myself from this situation. Figuring out life would be so much easier if I didn’t have him in my peripheral vision constantly.
Sunday 11/9
I finally got the benefits thing sorted for the new year. He’s removed from my insurance and I’m enrolled in the legal coverage. But it doesn’t take effect until the new year.
Wednesday 11/12
He stayed out until 11:30ish, which is weird because he’s usually in bed by 8pm to get up for work at 3am. I only know when he came home because I was up working on something and got freaked out by the sound of the side door opening.
Friday 11/14
Out all night again. I can tell you that I don’t wake up to the sound of the side door opening at least.
His escapades have made me realize what an afterthought I really was. He’s been working crazy hours and still has the energy to go out every night. Back when we were together and he was working these kinds of hours, he would come home and fall asleep on the couch playing on his phone. There was very little meaningful interaction then, and when there was interaction it seems like it was only when he was looking for “some action”.
Tuesday 11/18
I had to drive 90 minutes right after work to go help my sister acquire a dinning room table and 4 chairs. When I got home after 10pm there wasn’t a soul home. He got home just before midnight. I wasn’t asleep yet and the sound of the door startled me, so I opened my door just in time to see him creeping from the kitchen to his room and mentioned that the door woke me and asked if he turned off the light at the door. He hadn’t but he did, that was that… nothing else said.
Wednesday 11/19
I was home, I cooked dinner with my child we had a good meal and a good night.
Thursday 11/20
I drove out to my sister’s at lunch to pick up my nephew from school and take him to his ninja class. I stayed the night, it was on the calendar at home… just like all of my plans are.
He doesn’t put anything on the calendar anymore, and I put my stuff on there for Kaitie’s benefit.
Friday 11/21
I worked remote from my sister’s and helped her with a few things when she got home from work. Made it home in the evening. Joe left shortly after I came home and didn’t make it back before I went to bed.
Saturday 11/22
I got up around 7 to shower and get ready to go visit with Koshi. Joe was still gone. When I got home around 3pm it was like he had just gotten home and was getting ready to shower. Between 4 and 5 Kaitie and I left to go to the store and he was snoring with his door open, he woke up briefly at one point to close his door and turn off his light, but he slept the rest of the day and night away.
Sunday 11/23
He got up some time around 9am. Hasn’t said a word to me. I’m planning on spending time making pies for Thanksgiving today, so I’m likely going to drown my ears in music via headphones… unless I want to be a petty bitch and set up my Bluetooth speaker in the kitchen while I work. He probably won’t stick around all that long anyhow. He stuck around all day, even ended up taking a nap while my sister and nephew were here (I could hear him snoring). I don’t know if he’s sick or what. But I do know that my nephew adores him and ran into the hall to greet him, only to be snubbed by his favorite uncle when he was looking for some sense of normal. That poor little boy whose world is already splintering in every aspect he knows, just had his last hope for something resembling life as he knows it, smashed to bits.
I really need to get out of his proximity, watching him destroy himself doesn’t help me in any way. But I can’t do that until we sell the house, and we can’t sell the house until we get the repairs done. And I can’t get my garden moved until the spring now. Last month I asked him if he would be willing to drop me off at the airport in December, and while he agreed amicably enough, I’m starting to have my doubts as to whether depending on him for this time sensitive task is a wise choice. But there is the fact that my child has been staying up until after the sun comes up, so they might be able to help me out if he decides to drop the ball. Or maybe I should just count on him dropping the ball and make alternative plans.
Monday 11/24
He came home late, made himself frozen pizza. We didn’t talk, partially because I was on the phone with my sister. I didn’t realize until days later that the reason he was home later than normal was because he stopped to pick up mail from my mother. He told her that he was going to his mom’s for Thanksgiving.
Tuesday 11/25
I went out to dinner with my mom after work. Surprisingly he wasn’t home when I got home. Still no interaction.
Wednesday 11/26
I went to work in the morning, noting that his truck was gone, assuming he had gone to work. I returned home early, finding his truck in front of the house. But he wasn’t in the bathroom, his door was closed, and there was no light coming from under his door, nor was there any sound coming from the room. If it wasn’t for his truck being on the street, I wouldn’t have even considered that he was home. We left for my sister’s not long after that. I haven’t heard anything from him, and he should know where me and Kaitie are since its been on the calendar for weeks.
Thursday 11/27
He sent a “Happy Thanksgiving” text.
Friday 11/28
He was shocked that we were home this afternoon. In spite of the calendar saying we were coming home on Friday, he thought we weren’t coming home til Saturday. He went out, didn’t get home until just after 2am.
Saturday 11/29
When I eventually saw him in the morning, he insisted on telling me about how he hit a deer on his way home. He was lucky because it was a glancing impact to the passenger side of the truck bed that left no damage and only knocked the deer down momentarily. One more obvious reason that he needs to get his own insurance. (And the fact that his tires are bald as fuck going into the winter weather season)
Sunday 11/30
We had conversation while I was making my coffee. It didn’t start with conversation about finances, but that is where it led. And that led to him insisting on helping me financially in spite of my protest that I couldn’t foresee being in a financial situation to repay him in ANY immediacy of the future. He said that he wasn’t looking for me to pay him back, that regardless of whether we are together or not, married or not, he still cares and wants to help. Which next week looks like him reimbursing me for the insurance on my car (that our child drives)… and while this helps in the immediacy its really just a band-aid on a severed limb worth of financial hemorrhaging.
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