My sister has a child with a guy who said he REALLY wanted to be a father, turns out he was romanticizing the idea of being a father… and he’s really just a dead beet dad (D.B.D.).

After much cheating and dishonesty on his part, and my sister kicking him out time after time, they are finally separated.

It was douche nuggets birthday. My sister had been on the phone with me expressing her disgust over his recent behavior. Unwillingness to help pay for their son’s education leaving her holding the bill and his begrudging attitude toward helping her with getting him to or from day care/ summer camp. And now he’s introducing their son to his “new friend with pink hair who works and McDonalds and lives right around the block.” according to my nephew. Later in the day I missed a call and got a text about said D.B.D. having been in a car accident.

I immediately called my sister thinking she was going to be in panic mode and asked her “What do you need.” She was surprisingly calm. She explained that she didn’t know what she needed, she wasn’t sure what she should do. She told me about the phone call while he was waiting for the paramedics to arrive, how she didn’t even know what hospital he was being taken too, and how it was weird that he called her since their recent interactions hadn’t exactly been cordial. I told her that she was still trying to digest it all, but that even IF she knew what hospital he was at, an ER waiting room was NOT the place for her and her 6 year old to be especially not knowing if he would even be released that night. She agreed, and decided that staying home and distracting herself by watching movies with her son was the best course of action.

I got intermittent updates as she got more information, and then an exasperated phone call. She had been trying to figure out the details of the accident, and his response was consistently the simple and kind of vague “I was in a head on collision.” But with what? Another vehicle, a phone pole, a building? He was stubbornly unwilling to relinquish details. She finally told him that she assumed that he must have called the wrong person in his phone after the accident and basically wished him well.

The following day she sent me a screen shot of a message from his mother. He had been through surgery to clean and stabilize his right leg but the major surgery would be the following week and it was undecided if his left leg would require surgery.

Which was eventually followed up with a picture of him from the shoulders down, both legs bandaged and one of them with metal supports sticking through the bandages, presumably sticking out of his leg.

He won’t be out of the hospital until after the surgery next week at BEST. And after that, its not like he’s going to be able to drive, or walk, so he’s not going to be able to do anything in regards to caring for his son. As our dad would say “He has zero responsibilities whatsoever.” I know its not, but it feels orchestrated and manipulative considering how much he has pushed off on her already.

She’s obviously concerned about what she is going to do about the missing piece of the transportation plan she had in place for getting her son to and from his summer day care and farm camp, and I’m not sure that she is going to be able to attend the training she is supposed to attend in Wyoming in the beginning of August.

There is so much up in the air right now. I told her that we would address the concerns as they came up because I didn’t have the capacity for theorizing into the future last night, but I’m coming to grips with the fact that I’m likely going to be spending a considerable amount of time out there with her.