The idea of intimacy has been something that has crossed my mind several times in the past few years, but in terms beyond the idea of sex or romance. For many people the idea of intimacy conjures images of candle lit dinners and tenderly emotional interactions.

But my personal dissection of the concept of intimacy has separated it from the concept of sex and romance.

Intimacy takes on MANY forms in my life, but MOST of them have no overlap with sex or romance.

Dictionary.com defines “intimacy” first as the state of being intimate… and defines "intimate” as “associated in close personal relations.” Neither word makes mentions of sex until the 6th definition. For me, intimacy is about understanding and acceptance. Anyone who I can speak freely to, who I will openly share and discuss similar and differing opinions and views, and will share as openly, I consider having an intimate relationship with. Again, nothing romantic or sexual. Its purely about being able to trust the person with something and being able to be vulnerable.

This is not just about having someone you can share your positive or negative experiences and the emotional results with. This kind of intimacy, to me, also resonates with the idea of sharing experiences. Traveling, trying new foods, seeing new places and meeting new people with someone. All of this speaks to an emotional connection for me.

These people reciprocate care.

I’ve only really just begun to experience familial intimacy after coming out to my immediate family. Everyone but my husband (probably soon to be ex, considering how he’s taking it) has been supportive and accepting. My mother is the only one who has a little difficulty understanding, but she’s accepting just the same.

My boss and I have have an intellectual intimacy, though being a man, and married, he hesitates to define it as that. We have deep conversations about experiences, politics, family, and philosophical topics. For the most part we have similar viewpoints and opinions, but there are things that we disagree on. But we can discuss everything without fear of the other person attacking over it. And there is literally no topic outside of the scope of what we are comfortable talking about together.

I lost an intimate relationship with a friend of 10+ years. We used to be able to talk about anything and everything, including religion, which I don’t talk about with many people. She knew that I would only talk about it with people if I was sure they were not trying to convert me, and then after 2 years of open conversation and sharing, via text she expressed the desire to convert me. I’ve since told her that this disregard of my clear boundary on the topic means that we can no longer discuss religious topics, which has decreased the intimacy of that friendship.

This is the only place that sex and romance come into the equation. That is not to say that the other categories could not turn into this, but that is not their intent.

It occurs to me that there are some people who I am intimate with in multiple ways, which makes sense because multi-layered connections with people are what make those connections stronger.

I’m sure there are other types of intimacy, but these are what I’m currently comfortable with defining within my current relationships.

What kinds of intimacy do you experience within your life? Do you have multiple people that fill these roles?

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