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When I was a kid I needed help with my math homework, it was 3rd grade math so its not like it was super complex stuff. My dad loved math so it excited him to have a chance to help me with it. Unfortunately for me that included over explaining the concepts that these fundamentals would be the foundation for. At 3rd grade I wasn’t ready for algebra and trigonometry… we hadn’t even really gotten into multiplication!
His method of explaining left us both frustrated, me frustrated with his inability to stick to the actual task at hand and him frustrated with my obvious disinterest in the point he was making. This caused a core memory to form, a concept that stemmed from that memory would be more accurate. The idea that it was a better idea to struggle through it on my own than to ask for help from him. This translated into not being able to ask for help with something that had been explained before but I struggled with the full concept the first time around. I’m really only just now being able to break this cycle.
I can’t say that growing up we were given a safe environment to ask questions. I literally had to fuck around and find out, because questions weren’t answered in a way that actually provided answers to the questions we were asking.
This translated to not thinking that questions were safe to ask as an adult and has made for quite the struggle in working environments. Always feeling like if I didn’t get a concept or process the first time around, I was somehow failing at my job.
This is another of those ingrained things that I’m trying to break myself of. Asking questions, embracing my ignorance, admitting when I don’t know something… even at the risk of being ridiculed for it. And admittedly, the “ridicule” has all been good natured and in good fun, which helps.
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