This morning I was thinking on my own mortality. Not a great way to start the day, I know, but alas… here we are. It got me realizing I very much feel my own mortality, not in a way that I think I know when I’ll meet my end, but in a way that makes me realize how precious experiences and connections are. And with that I realized that it is the reason I rush headlong into things, or “jump into things with both feet” as I’m fond of saying.

I remember hearing statements like “live every day like its your last.” and I think that is where this mentality has come from. So it feels like I’m just out here trying to learn as much as I can and make as many meaningful connections with people as possible with whatever unknown amount of time I have left.

That in itself makes me question why. I can’t take the knowledge with me when I’m gone, and loss hurts people. I don’t have the answer for that. I know I can’t take knowledge with me, and I don’t want to hurt anyone. But I also I think I just don’t want to be forgotten.

Last night I was going through my email deleting the nearly 2000 notification of live videos from Substack in one account and the more than 3000 emails mostly from things I no longer interact with on another. I encountered and email from D&D Beyond which I didn’t read because I’ve ended my subscription with them. Unfortunately I didn’t do it before they had taken their most recent annual subscription payment so I still “technically” have a subscription.

I thought I saw something about geese in the preview of the email though, and that sent my brain down a fictional rabbit hole of a D&D campaign involving something like Canadian geese. If you have never encountered a Canadian goose They honk, as expected, they also hiss, and are one of at least 2 types of large waterfowl local to me who have ZERO CHILL!

I’m inspired to create a flock of boss level geese for an RPG, to be plugged into encounters. Am I building a campaign? Not actively. But I have written a single one shot to be used for introduction and familiarization purposes. I’ve regrettably never gotten to test it out. I made maps and everything. There are even pre-made characters to choose from for the sake of time and simplicity, even though character creation is a huge part of playing these kinds of games… it can be a lot to digest when you have no experience with it.

A friend realized recently that through their support and love for the trans community, and because of the radical oppression being inflicted on the citizens of the United States, they have also potentially become classified as a domestic terrorist along side the members of the community they cherish. A lot of us are concerned by this development in the regime… more than concerned… scared. It has been illustrated time and time again just how far the current administration will go and the fact that cruelty really is the point.

But this friend has transformed this fear into something else, something more pure… Comedy. This is being achieved by posting video “diary” entries throughout the day capturing satirical instances of mundane tasks alleging they are a day in the life of a “domestic terrorist”.

I love the take, but with my alleged family history I must refrain from participating. Knowing my luck, and my deadpan delivery, someone is sure to take me seriously. Satire is a dying art form, thanks to the ridiculous things that are happening every day in reality.

Recently something crossed my mind. A lot of times people will say “I would die for you” as a statement of intended profound affection and willingness to make sacrifice. And sure, once upon a time I may have thought that about Joe. But now I’ve come to a more profound realization.

I’ve found people who I would LIVE for! And that makes me want to live for me too!

When I find myself WANTING to make healthier choices and do things in care of myself, I know I’m surrounding myself with people who have more of my best interest in some part of their mind. That makes me better suited to be supportive of their best interests in turn.

Because, lets face it. Living for life and making choices and taking actions in support of that is work. While being willing to die for someone is more like acceptance, and a little manipulative.

Sure, its hard sometimes. But if it were easy, it wouldn’t be as worthwhile. “Anything worth it isn’t easy, and anything easy isn’t worth it.” I don’t remember where I heard that, but I feel it deeply with this realization.

But if I tell you that I would live for you, it means you’re worth the effort it takes to make better choices, worth the work, the potential for pain, and the positive results that will come from it all.