I went into this knowing it could get REAL ugly. And while it hasn’t become “worst case scenario” by any means… It has devolved into something worse than what it was initially shaping up to be.

There is still “hope”, but I know that he needs to heal before he can digest what a friendship would look like between us. In his eyes, I just demolished a 22 year relationship over the course of a few minute long conversation, and that has to have left him raw and confused. Not that I’m trying to defend his actions, just trying to understand them… which may be just as misguided as defending him, but its where I’m at mentally.

Looking back at my relationship with him, its like it was a giant FU to the world that said it knew me better than I knew myself. Dating him, refusing my dad’s near demands that I get an abortion, getting married a month and 3 days after my child was born. All of it was a flock of middle fingers flying in the face of everything that tried to steer me elsewhere.

And now we both have to figure out what we want life to look like, AFTER we’ve processed this enough to be civilized adults. I’m not sure if he will ever understand my perspective or position, and maybe all I can hope for is more of the same passive aggressive petty manipulation. Its a reality that I don’t relish, but I am as mentally prepared for it as I can be.

If you want to support my work but a monthly or yearly subscription is not a good fit…