My thoughts still lead me there

impulsively almost.

Haunted even.

Not out of continuing desire,

That ship has sailed.

Its out of months of built up habit

How I wove her into my heartbeat

and into every breath.

I wonder if things would have been different

If I hadn’t said the things I said

Hadn’t revealed my emotions.

It makes me fear to reveal those same emotions

now and for someone else.

Fear that revealing will result in the same shutdown,

The same emotional rollercoaster.

But in spite of that

the weaving happens.

And I’m drawn back to the now

which is where I really want to be.

~ Nathan 1/26/26